Divorce is never easy for anyone, even when it may be wanted by both sides. The emotional upheaval and upset can be emotionally challenging and debilitating at times. The many physical and emotional changes can take every ounce of energy you have, nevermind the large dent it leaves in your soul.
However, what happens when your divorce happens in a country that is not yours, is a million miles away from your support network of family, friends and loved ones and happens in a language that you barely understand. Your life journey just got that little bit tougher.
I’m sure for most people who experience a divorce in another country, packing their bags and heading home is on the top of their wish list. However, be prepared for this not to be as simple as it sounds. Relocating back home after the divorce is fraught with difficulty.
With many divorces turning into ugly divorce/custody battles, very often judges are left to decide the fate of where the children will live, and this is not always in the best interest of the mother. In fact, with a very low possibility of being able to get your kids back home, the idea of moving abroad and raising your family needs to be considered very carefully.
There is definitely a higher chance of getting your kids back home if that is what you think is best for your children if the father is absent from their lives. If this is the case, make sure to go for full custody and follow correct procedures to get them back home.
If the dream life you thought you were going to be living in may well turn out to be in fact an unraveling nightmare, you will need all the strength you can muster to deal with everything you will need to.
You will find lots of advice out there on the internet about how to overcome the legal obstacles, how to maintain good health and wellbeing on sites such Review Critic, as well as sites designed to get you back in dating. The key to getting through a divorce in a foreign land is patience, being aware of what is happening, and an understanding that time will need to run its course. Time is a healer.
Get A Good Lawyer
The best piece of advice that anyone could have is to get an excellent lawyer and make sure that they speak your language. What happens in these meetings and courts will shape the rest of your life so make sure you know what the heck is going on. If you find yourself in such a position, you should always make sure to get everything that is considered a legal document, translated so that you can understand what you are signing or agreeing to.
Lawyers are not cheap, so look around to see if there are specialized lawyers who work with women’s support groups who offer a discount or better still, do pro bono work. This can save you a lot of money and take a huge burden off your shoulders. Afterall, the last thing you need to be worrying about is paying your lawyers bills while managing to put food on the table for you and your children.
Take Care of Yourself
During the trauma of sorting the rest of your life out, you are very likely to forget the one person that is going to enable you to get through this (and be healthy on the other side) – YOU!
So during this time, it is essential that you make sure to:
- Eat well. Don’t be tempted just to eat whatever is laying around. Plan and make sure that you organize meals that include delicious treats for yourself. Stick to low fat, high protein, veggie-based meals that are quick and easy to prepare. For breakfast, oats are the go-to energy booster you need to get you through the day, served with honey and some fresh fruits, this is great fuel for the day ahead, whatever it may bring. For lunch, some chicken, fish, and tofu are great for protein boosting. Mixed with some healthy grains (wild rice for example) and some fresh broccoli, you’ll have all you need to fight another day. Should you feel like snacking throughout the day, reach for dried fruits such as dates or figs, nuts, or fresh fruit. Consider supplementing your daily diet with a health-boosting supplement such as omega-3.
- Exercise. After a tough day balancing all the things you need to, the last thing you probably feel like doing is exercising. However, exercise is exactly what you need. You don’t have to go crazy, but doing something will keep your body healthy and your mind even healthier. A 20-minute power walk or 15-minute jog is all it takes and is the difference between keeping you sane. If you simply are too tired by the end of the day, try getting up half an hour earlier in the morning and working out.
- Be mindful and present. In reality, all you probably want is to not be mindful and present with what is happening in your life, and that is understandable. The panoply of emotions that you experience during/post-divorce is huge and extremely challenging. But, if you can, try and stop for 10 minutes every day. Sit in a quiet place and attempt to stop the millions of thoughts swirling around in your head. Meditation, the art of being mindfully present, has been shown to affect health and reduce stress positively.
Reach Out To Others
Knowing that this is not something that you want, can, or should do alone is an empowering and humbling experience in life. You will be shocked just how many other women are in the same position as you when you actually start to look around at your fellow humans. A loving, supportive network of friends around you will be the difference between you coming through this smoothly and arriving the other side in a healthy mental state. Meet friends for coffee, go out for dinner, and try to socialize at least once a week. The time you spend with other adults will nourish your soul, provide ideas to overcome the challenges you face, help you connect with other like-minded people and make you feel just that little bit saner and dare we say it, normal?!
It Isn’t The End Of The World!
In the grand scheme of things, this is something that you will overcome. It may take a while, but you will. Slowly, slowly, you will find your way and begin to discover life post-divorce, even in a far-off land, can hold many magical and interesting openings that would never normally have come your way in life.
Women are resourceful, reliable, and capable human beings especially when it comes to our children and being a good mom. So even though the ride is somewhat bumpy at times, destination happiness is possible and not too far away. Good luck!