I can’t begin to imagine that I know what you are going through. Having a miscarriage can be one of the worst things to happen to a woman both physically and emotionally. Today, if you are someone who has suffered a miscarriage, let me offer you my condolences. I know that this time has been awful and unimaginable in so many ways. So, today, I am hoping that I can provide you with some comfort. My wish is that these tips can reach across the computer screen and help start to heal your bruised heart.
Realize You Are Not Alone
In the aftermath of having a miscarriage, it can be easy to feel like no one understands your pain. It can be easy to distance yourself from your spouse and everyone around you. But, remember in those dark and bitter moments that you are not alone.
Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to people around you who you know have had miscarriages themselves. There are many places online where you can sign up to be part of grief or chat groups. In the United States alone, 15-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriages. Now, this is not to freak you out from trying again but to let you know that plenty of women know and can relate to what you’re going through. Remember that you are not alone and seek help from those who understand and can help you amidst your pain.
Surround Yourself With People Who Love You
At first, it might feel impossible to talk about what happened, even with your spouse. But, surround yourself with people who don’t need to use words to comfort you. Friends who are content just to hold you as you cry or tidy your house up while you sit there unable to get up yourself. Let those people breathe life back into your broken and tattered self. And, when the time is right, you will be able to talk about the heartbreak you are experiencing.
Allow Yourself Time To Mourn
Unfortunately, there is no set time frame given to people to recover from having a miscarriage. It isn’t going to be a magical switch that flips on one day after months and months of grief. It is essential to allow yourself plenty of time to grieve your loss. It is just as significant, if not more so than when a member of your family dies. This was a death, and it should be mourned as one. However, make sure that you don’t allow yourself to mourn alone. Use this time to grow closer to your spouse and to struggle with this hurt together. Don’t shut everyone out from your life. Though there may be times that you need to be alone with your thoughts and feelings, too much of that is going to be unhealthy for you and your attempts to move forward.
Don’t Shy Away From Counselors
I know that you might not be able to vocalize what you are thinking and feeling to your mother, let alone a stranger, but counseling can be very therapeutic. Because you don’t have a previous relationship with your counselor, you don’t have to be afraid to tell them your ugliest thoughts and pains. Also, they can provide you with real-life coping tips that you can implement in your life. Though it might not happen overnight, or in the first couple of sessions, eventually seeing a counselor will help you. Try seeing a counselor one on one, and then seeing one with your spouse.
Don’t Be Content With Distance
In the months and weeks following a miscarriage, it can be difficult to look at your spouse, let alone talk about what happened. As a woman, you might be blaming yourself, or feel that you are unworthy in some way. You might be blaming him. But the truth is this miscarriage was neither of your faults. So, don’t let awkward distance build up around your marriage. Take this time to grieve together and have those hard talks now, so that it can save your marriage in the future. This is a pain that you should not suffer alone, and your spouse is the only one who can truly relate to what you are going through.
Take Care Of Yourself
Don’t be content to just wear your pajamas for days on end. Paint your nails, get your hair cut, take showers. Be ok with pampering yourself a little. Likewise, know when you need to talk to someone and when you need to be silent. Part of taking care of yourself is realizing that you can’t keep all of your emotions bottled up inside. Be open to talking with others and getting your emotions out there. If you are having trouble finding the words to say, a great resource would be to try journaling.
Don’t Rush To Have Another Baby
The good news is, even if you have experienced a miscarriage, you are still much more likely to have a healthy pregnancy than another loss. However, you need to make sure that both you and your husband are ready before you commit to trying to get pregnant again. This could take several months; it could take several years. Every relationship and miscarriage is different, so don’t feel rushed to try to “get it right” the next time.
As you can see, no magical thing can make you feel better. But, by taking these steps, you can start to rebuild your life around you. If you are someone who has had a miscarriage and you would like to offer some advice, feel free to use the comments below.