Marriage is amazing. It brings joys that can be experienced only from committing to one another. It can be beautiful, fun, and unique.
But it’s also really hard. You won’t always get your way and you just honestly might get sick of each other. With the divorce rates increasing, it is clear that some people feel marriage burnout. We want you to enjoy your marriage and your spouse; therefore, we’ve chosen six marriage tips to help prevent you and get you through marriage burnout.
Avoid Discussing Kids or Problems 24/7
Homeowners can use up a lot of their time talking about house related things. Similarly, once you have children together, it can be tempting to only talk about them. It is good to enjoy your children and reflect on the positives and joys you have with your children. And of course, you need to discuss problems you are experiencing with the house or in other areas. However, you also need to simply enjoy each other.
If you spend most of the time talking about your kids, you may end up feeling like you have nothing in common anymore. So when you are on a date night, avoid discussing topics about kids, house issues, and family problems.
Be Kind To One Another
We’re all human, and we sometimes feel grumpy. Even the “nicest people” are unkind at times. Stresses in life can contribute to bad moods, which typically leak out onto your spouse. It is said that we take our frustrations out on the people we love most because we know they will never leave. But it is not respectful to do so and opens the door for frequent fights. Always be kind to one another. There is simply no reason to yell or be rude to someone you love.
Here are several tips to help you be kind to one another:
- Walk away if you feel like you might be rude.
- Never intentionally say hurtful words.
- Listen to one another.
- Pay attention to each other’s needs.
- Share food and other items.
- Encourage one another.
- Admit mistakes and forgive easily.
- Call to check on each other. Call if you are going to be late.
- Respect one another by discussing plans before making them.
- Be honest and communicate.
- Compliment each other daily. Look for positive behaviors in your spouse to compliment.
- Never talk badly about each other.
- Understand your differences.
- Accept each other for who you are.
- Find the right time to discuss heavy issues.
Help Each Other
One of the biggest contributors to feeling burnt out is dealing with the day-to-day tasks. The chores are endless. There are always dishes to be cleaned, clothes to be washed, floors to be swept, food to be cooked…just to name a few. And then when you add on a job/parenthood/life, it really is a lot to handle. If you leave all of the tasks to one person, they are bound to feel tired and perhaps even spiteful.
Find a way in which you can both attend to the daily tasks. Help each other in other areas too, such as filling your spouse’s car up with gas when you know it needs to be done. Respect each other in knowing that neither of you is a machine that can be worked to death. Offering to help without being asked is an extra bonus!
The top piece of marriage advice my grandparents would give is to do everything together. They were married for 66 years and still madly in love with one another. Together they grocery shopped, visited other people, enjoyed nature, etc. My grandparents truly enjoyed each other’s company and had fun together. Their memories and good times meant that they were less likely to get sick of one another or feel burnt out.
Find hobbies you like to do together. If you don’t have any, find new activities to try. If you have children, it is crucial to have a weekly date night. This allows you to build memories and to simply have fun. Dance together. Cuddle with each other. And laugh! Remember why you fell in love and enjoy each other like you did while dating.
Spend Time Apart
This might seem contradictory to the above tip, but you do need a break from each other. Even my grandparents (mentioned above) would have some time apart to have “lunch with the girls or to go on a golf outing.” Spending time away from each other does not mean you do not love each other. It is healthy because you both need time to yourself (even if you’re extroverted) and time with your friends.
Find fun things you like to do alone at home or go out. It can be an organized hobby, such as joining an intramural sports team or just shopping. As you spend time away, from each other, you’ll have the opportunity to miss your spouse. And when you miss your spouse, you are more likely to cherish the time you do have together.
*Note, there has to be a healthy balance between these two. Some couples are away from each other too often and as a result, grow apart. However, everyone does need to be recharged and therefore needs to be apart.
Don’t Try To Control Your Spouse
Depending on your personality, this tip can be really hard to follow. We all tend to think that our way is the best way. So when someone else, like our spouse, is doing something a different way, we don’t like it. That usually brings us to want to control how they are doing the task, typically to follow the way we would do it.
Or perhaps you know something needs to be done, and your spouse just isn’t doing it. So you nag. And nag. And nag. Guess what; nagging does not make your spouse want to do the task. And it probably makes your partner feel burnt out.
We cannot control anyone but ourselves. The earlier we accept that truth, the better it will be for our marriage. Do not try to control your spouse. Nobody likes to be controlled, and doing so could start unnecessary arguments. You can offer other ideas, but do not try to control them, no matter the circumstance.
Believe In Forever
One last marriage rule I want to offer is to not joke about divorce. Our minds are very powerful, and once we joke about leaving each other over a certain behavior, we can start to convince ourselves that we deserve something better. I have heard couples joking about divorce numerous times, and it is not healthy for them nor their children to hear.
Believe you will always be together. Stay committed to the “till death do us part,” and live like it. If you truly believe this, you will be more likely to follow the other six tips because you know it’s worth it. No marriage will ever be perfect because humans are imperfect. There are concrete reasons you may need to get divorced, but don’t let your own marriage burnout be one of them.
There are going to be tough times in marriage. Any time two imperfect people spend a lot of time together, there will be some issues. But they do not have to define your relationship. Work through the issues, grow together as you change, and follow these six tips so that you do not experience marriage burnout.