In any marriage, you can be sure to experience just as many ups as you do downs. What makes a marriage successful is how you and your partner handle the downs. Every successful marriage will require you to support your spouse at one point or another. Whether it’s just a bad day or a full-blown mid-life crisis, here are some tips to keep in mind if you need to support your spouse when the going gets tough.
Trust Him
When guys go through a difficult time, it’s not uncommon for them to check out. Many guys prefer to work through their problems in solitude. For a lot of ladies, this can be something difficult to wrap our heads around because it’s in our innate nature to want to help. If you want to help, then sometimes the best thing to do is just to trust him. You have to have faith in your relationship that he may just need some space. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a jab on you; it just means that he needs his space. Sometimes, the best way to help is by giving your significant other room to figure it out on their own.
Listen To Her
It’s no little secret that us women can be crazy sometimes. During times of stress, our level of crazy can go up a notch or two (or twenty). To bring us down back to earth, sometimes the best thing our significant other can do is just listen. For many women, a coping mechanism during a hard time is talking. When we talk, we’re not always looking for a response. In fact, we probably don’t want you to talk. We just want to be heard.
Respect Him
Every guy in every relationship wants to be respected. When he’s going through a hard time, one of the best ways to show your support is by continuing to show that respect. Instead of trying to solve the problem for him, listen to him when he tells you what he needs. Unlike women, men typically tend to clearly and directly say what it is that they need or what’s bothering them. When he tells you his needs, don’t try to reinterpret them as something else. This will only undermine his emotions and the way he is feeling. Instead, encourage him to stay positive, and respect his thought process and choices during a hard time.
Let Her Cry It Out
For some guys, the second they see tears, they begin to malfunction. Especially in the early stages of a marriage. If she’s going through a hard time, the answer to her problem may just be a good cry. There’s no need to freak out if she does have a sob session. Instead of tiptoeing out of the room, try holding her instead. Don’t worry; you don’t have to say much. Holding her and rubbing her back will let her know that you are there for her. For many women, your mere presence will remind her that even if things are rough, everything will be ok. So if you don’t have the words, don’t worry. Let her do the talking – or sobbing in this case.
Remind Him To Take It One Step At A Time
There was nothing worse than seeing my husband having to cope with his ailing younger brother. When tragedy hits, especially when it hits a family member, it can be a traumatic and devastating period to get through. If you or your spouse find yourself going through a crisis, a positive way to cope is to take it one day at a time. Remind him that every crisis has an ending, and until he gets to that ending, he needs to take it one day at a time. At the end of each day, make time for him to recap the positives and use that to propel you into the next day.
Advice Is Good; Encouragement Is Better
When our loved one is going through a hard time, our immediate reaction is to help them. Giving advice is easy. If they want advice, your probably the person whose advice would be of the most value to them. While it’s great to give advice, sometimes it can be better to encourage instead. Remind your spouse of their strengths and let them know that this too shall pass. When we go through a hard time, it can be difficult to find the motivation to go on. A little encouragement from a significant other can go a long way in helping to overcome a difficult situation.
Talk Through It
Talking through the stressors you or your spouse are going through is one of the most productive ways to get through a crisis. If he’s going through a tough time, encourage him to express his feelings. Often, the very act of talking about our stressors can lighten the emotional weight that we carry around. Sharing how we feel can make our issues feel a lot less burdensome. Even more so, encouraging him to talk through what’s bothering him can help put things into perspective. When things are in perspective, it makes it a bit easier to see that the rough patch you’re going through has an ending.
Create A Plan
Some crises will be more difficult than others to get through. If you or your spouse find yourselves going through an especially hard time, then one method of support is to help your spouse create a plan. When a loved one experiences a life-altering crisis such as the loss of a job or the loss of a loved one, emotions will run high. When this happens, it’s not uncommon to want to escape by detaching from reality. While it’s important to work through the cycle of loss, it is also important not to lose yourself in the process. One of the most effective ways to support your spouse during an especially difficult time is by keeping them grounded. Help them work through their emotions by enabling them to create a plan. A concrete plan with milestones and a goal can help your spouse focus on staying present and positive. By having a plan to work towards, your spouse will be able to stay connected to reality as they deal through this difficult time. Be the support they need by encouraging them to create a plan and helping them work towards the end goal.
Final Thoughts
While life and marriage will come with its fair share of challenges, it is how we get through those challenges that determine the strength of our relationship. One thing is clear. To maintain a healthy relationship, you need to be able to help your spouse work through this difficult time. Strengthen your marriage by practicing the tips above the next time you or your spouse experience a rough patch.
