How To Deal With A Spouse Or Significant Other Who Has a Porn Addiction

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porn addiction

A porn addiction in a marriage can have the same effects as a cheating spouse.  In many ways, the results are the same.  If a spouse has become addicted to looking at other women in unhealthy ways, it can not only ruin a marriage, but it can make the victim spouse feel inadequate like it was somehow her fault.  I’m going to go over some ways to deal with a spouse or significant other who has a porn addiction.

It’s Not Your Fault

The first thing that you need to understand and believe is that it is not your fault that your spouse has a porn addiction.  Some women believe that if they were more pretty or lost weight, or had been more fun, maybe her spouse wouldn’t have gone outside of the marriage to be fulfilled sexually by looking at porn.  All of these feelings of self-doubt are lies.  It is that person’s addiction and issue, not yours.  So please, before we go further, put that burden down and move on and decide if you are still interested in staying in the relationship or not.

You Can’t Make An Addict Recover

It is not your job to make your partner recover.  He is going to have to want to do it for the sake of his marriage, himself, and if he is a believer, because of God.  As much as you may want just to destroy the porn, get rid of the computer, or do whatever it takes, the burden is going to fall on the spouse who is addicted.  He is going to have to want to get help.  If he doesn’t want to change, he will find more ways to get porn, no matter what you do to get rid of it.

Enroll in Counseling

An addiction of any type, including porn addiction, is not something to be taken lightly.  If you are the spouse of a porn addict, get help.  If your spouse won’t go to counseling, then go yourself and get advice and support.  Porn addiction hurts both the person partaking in it as much as it hurts the innocent spouse who is the victim.  Don’t try to walk this road alone.

An Addict Needs To Be Held Accountable

It’s ok not to trust your spouse after he has turned from you to porn.  If he wants you to trust him again, it is going to take lots of time.  He will also need to establish a clean record of no porn.  An addict who truly wants to change should not be afraid to be held accountable. That may mean, putting restrictions on his computer or not using a computer at all. It also may involve other people such as a clergy member or close friend to check on him and keep him accountable. Trust needs to be earned back over time, not be something that is expected right away.

Conclusion

Porn addiction is similar to any addiction whether it be drugs or alcohol.  The recovering addict is going to need to want to change. There is nothing that you do can make an addict change.  You may choose to leave the relationship, but you can’t make a person change. Hopefully, he will want to do it to save the marriage.  Keep in mind that even though you may plan on supporting the recovery, none of this is your fault.  It is not your responsibility nor burden to carry.  Don’t let what someone else choose to do, hurt you. I wish you the best of luck as you begin this tough journey. I hope that our tips can help to give you some peace and comfort.

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Mariann Foster is one of our content writers here at OurStart. Mariann is a certified reading specialist who enjoys homeschooling her daughter and taking care of her alpacas in her spare time. She lives in Wyoming on an alpaca farm with her daughter and their various collection of big and small animals. Being a mother is her greatest gift, so she hopes she can help to encourage other moms through her writing.

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