It is one of the bride’s worst nightmares. It is worse than having an ugly bridesmaid dress. It is worse the ring bearer dropping the rings while walking down the aisle. It is worse than choking up during your vows and barely being able to get a word out edgewise.
What is “it?”.
The “it” is when two or three, or maybe even four, of your bridesmaids do not get along. When there is tons of conflict and fighting between the women whom you care about the most and cherish dearly, it can be very painful to watch them argue. The tension is not fun, and the last thing you need as a bride is more stress.
As hard as it is, and as stressful as it is, there are ways that you can try to help the situation. Because you are the bride, you have a say in everything. Because you are the bride, you will definitely be respected highly. And because you are the bride, you have the right to give them the boot if things get too out of hand. So take into consideration some of these things when trying to calm the tension between your bridesmaids and help tame their wild (and scary) sides.
1. Let the Maid of Honor show who is boss.
If you are hesitant about getting involved at first, then assign your MOH this brutal task. Tell her that you have given her strict instruction to fix this mess, and that these girls who are fighting need to respect her as a leader. Let her show these bridesmaids who is boss! Now if your maid of honor is one of the ones stirring up trouble, then maybe you need to reconsider who is fulfilling your maid of honor duties.
2. Say kind things about ALL of your bridesmaids and encourage ALL of them at all times.
If the disagreement is just small bickering and does not escalate too fast, too quickly, then start off by being nice to all of your bridesmaids, and saying nice things about ALL of them. Who does not love compliments? Whether it be a simple “Hey, you look really nice today!” or a “Isn’t (insert name) so good at organizing these kinds of things? Way to go!”, these types of encouraging words and compliments can go far, and show that you do not favor one bridesmaid more than another.
3. Do not stoop down to their level.
It can start off small, and escalate quickly. So do not add fuel to the fire. If a bridesmaid comes to you to complain about another bridesmaid, listen, but do NOT gossip about her. This will only make matters worse, believe me.
You also do not want to pick sides. If two bridesmaids are having a yelling match, do not get in there and start yelling at them and making a big deal as well. Do not show that you side with one over the other (you can obviously think it) because there is a chance you will lose the other bridesmaid if you do this. Let them fight it out, and then afterwards remind them of how stupid they are for fighting like that.
4. Bring reinforcements.
If things just continue to get worse and nothing seems to get better, then maybe it is time to bring in someone else to help settle the disputes. It is better if it someone who is not a bridesmaid or close friend to either (or any) of the angry bridesmaids, rather someone older and who has no side on the issue. Whether it be your dad, mom, close family friend, groom, or groomsman, whoever it may be, feel free to bring someone else in to try and calm these crazy ladies down.
5. Threaten to not include them on your wedding day if they do not clean up their act.
This is the absolutely last resort you should turn to if all else fails. And it is honestly up to you if you just bluff or not. But if they will not stop, threaten to take both (or all) of them out of the wedding and tell them they are not invited to your big day.
If you are truly done with them and frustrated beyond belief, maybe it is time to take action and actually do so, as a test to see if them will genuinely come back later to apologize. Or maybe just threatening it will be enough to make them stop. Whatever the case is, this will definitely grab their attention. It is also better if you save this until last so it shows that you have tried everything else, but are willing to take this step because nothing has been solved.