Wedding planning is a time to happy and joyous for everyone involved, but we all know that it won’t be sunshine and roses the entire time. Those pesky fights will pop up when we are least expecting them, maybe over the dumbest subject too; But we cant dismiss them because we don’t feel like facing them or feel like dealing with the argument at hand. How do we deal with those fights when they arise? And how do we avoid them all together during the entirety if the wedding planning period?
Money is a problem all the time, not just during wedding planning; No one wants to fight about the root of all evil to achieve their dream day, so how do we avoid the ‘M’ word fight or fights?
- Set a budget and stick to it.
- Don’t be afraid to change your plans to fit your budget.
- Communicate with each other throughout the planning stage.
These three steps not only give you an outline of your money and where you want it to go, but it also lets you be open and communicative about how you want your big day to go; This starts your marriage off healthy and feeds your relationship in a healthy way.
Family and The In-Laws
This can be a super sore spot for a lot of couples. Sometimes we take sides instead of sticking together and communicating to each other our needs and wants for family while planning. They are there and they always will be. Family is either a blessing or a curse (Not that we would ever admit that out loud), we can’t deny our family as our own, so utilize them.
So how do we avoid fights involving our families?
- Set boundaries together.
- Talk to your families together.
- Be on the same page.
Family members and the in-laws aren’t enemies, but they may tend to overwhelm you and over-power or rail-road you. If you and your fiance set boundaries together and lay them out for your families, that will let them know that you are a team and you will handle any issues together.
All the details that you have planned for your big day may be tedious and then there may be some unnecessary details that you have planned for your big day. If you want two white swans in a pond with neckties and white doves with highlighted feathers to match your colors, that may be something that you can skip. Often times when we are told we cannot have something or shouldn’t do something it elicits a bad taste in our mouths.
You feel it’s your wedding, so why not get what you want, right? But how do you tell your partner that they are being ridiculous without telling them so?
- Don’t place blame.
- Don’t make them feel as if they are being ridiculous.
We can’t help it if we want the most perfect day for our big day, but what we can help is how our day turns out. Placing blame doesn’t get anyone anywhere without starting a fight, making someone feel as if their ideas aren’t valid make them feel small minded. Just explain in a kind and gentle way that you don’t need “swans and doves” to make your day perfect.
The future? This may sound funny as you’re planning a wedding to start your future with that one person that you love with all that you are… But this is actually a big thing. The future is something that is so unsure and unpromised, so how do we solve the mystery of who is going to do what?
- Communicate, communicate, communicate!
- Know exactly what you both want.
Communication is big (as you may have guessed because it was written three times in a row) because how else do you know what the expectation of the future is between the two of you? Know exactly what you want from each other (Kids? No kids? How many? Where you want to live?), and know where each of your responsibilities come into play (Anything from who is going to provide health insurance to who is going to clean the house).
I don’t know why a piece of paper changes this, a lot of the time couples think that once you are married something should change; There is a pressure added to you that may lead to thinking that you need to start only using sex for reproduction and not for showing affection. Don’t let that happen to you once you’re married. Talk about how you can avoid that.
- Don’t be predictable.
- Be on the same page.
- Talk about how often is acceptable.
Scheduling sex is like scheduling love. Be sure that you both know each others’ needs and wants for your physical relationship (how often you both would like to have sex can really give you a good idea of each others’ needs). It may feel awkward talking about this subject in this way, but clearing the air leaves no room for confusion of expectation.
Many feel as though wedding planning may consume their lives, but just remember this is only temporary. Even if it’s hard to see the end goal (hopefully you’ve set goals and deadlines to work toward to), you will get there. I promise. But during that time, you may forget that you’ve got someone there that loves and supports you and would do anything for you. Your fiance! So how do we make them feel as though they are apart of the grand scheme?
- Do things together.
- Go on dates.
- Dedicate a time where wedding talk or the word ‘wedding’ is a bad word.
Along with the attention, delegation is uber important. Not just for wedding planning, but also for your everyday life. This allows both of you to know that you have a vulnerable spot and it is ok to ask for help.
- Ask your bridesmaids for help.
- Ask your families for help.
- Ask each other for help.
You don’t have to hand over the reigns, but having help and a different set of eyes can be nice when you’ve done nothing but wedding plan.
Most couples plan for their big day, but they don’t plan for their big day and a bunch of fighting. Don’t be that couple that fights all the time over fights that can be avoided. Your wedding day will be magical no matter what, no matter who helps, and no matter what keep calm and plan on…together! Happy planning! Literally!