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How to Have the Wedding Budget Conversation with the Fam

Awkward conversations are always hard to have. I doubt you will ever find someone who thoroughly enjoys being in an awkward predicament and then talking it over with someone else. I highly doubt it.

But whether you like it or not, sometimes these awkward conversations are totally necessary. For example, if you are a sixteen year old pastor’s kid who threw a party while your parents were gone but they came back to a mess in the house, this is a conversation you are going to have to face. Awkward conversation, but it needs to happen.

Or maybe it is on a less serious note, like you need to start planning your wedding, but have no idea what your budget is or what your family is doing to help out. Hello awkwardness! But you, as the bride, need to have this conversation with your family. So although it is unavoidable, we at OurStart have some tips on getting through this difficult conversation.

1. Talk things out before with your fiance.

Before you do anything else, talk things out with your soon spouse to be. Who knows, it could be good practice for other awkward conversations that may come up in the future. You need to talk out what kind of wedding you want, whether you want it to be more fancy or casual, possibilities of vendors and catering when it comes to pricing, etc. You want to be absolutely sure that before you go into this conversation with your parents, you and your honey are on the same page to avoid disaster.

2. Be kind.

Do not go in with the intentions of getting your way. Do not go in narrow minded with the intentions that you are the center of everything. Go in knowing that you may not get everything you want. Go in with a kind attitude. The LAST thing you want to do is hurt your parent’s feelings from the get go and have to patch wounds before the wedding planning has even taken off. Remember to treat them with the respect they deserve. They are your parents after all.

3. Be specific.

While you do not want to be a spoiled brat and throw a hissy fit at every little thing, you do want to be specific with your parents what you want. This is a gift from them to you, yes, but this is also your wedding. If they are not willing to give up control over some of your decisions, then you will have to have that talk with them. In the end, be assertive about your plans and what you want to do. Let them know that you are in charge but do it in a mature and appropriate manner. Being specific could go along these lines: “So, (fiance’s name) and I were going over our financials and plans, and we have a few ideas about the wedding, and we were wondering what you were thinking. Do you have any ideas and/or were you planning on helping financially?”.

4. Be polite.

Do not go in with a cocky and rude attitude. There is a way to get through this talk with your parents without be the pain in the butt daughter. So while yes, you must be confident in what you are saying and the ideas you and your fiance had, you also need to be open to their ideas and suggestions. Remember, they have planned a wedding before!

5. Be reasonable.

The more unreasonable and demanding you are when you start the conversation, the more unwilling your parents are going to be when it comes figuring out a budget. Go in being open minded, not asking them to spend a million dollars on your wedding. If you are reasonable with them, they will be more than happy to be reasonable with you.


While this is definitely a hard conversation to have at first, it is good for you, as the bride, to get a better understanding of what your parents had in mind for your special day. If handled well and done smoothly, this will get everyone on the same page when it comes to wedding planning. And hey, it is one less bump in the road you will have to face!

Here is more information about who should pay the wedding bill. 

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