Marriage 101: Tips to Avoiding Conflict on Your Big Day

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Garland lights on wooden rustic background. Valentine's day background with hearts. The concept of love and Valentine's day.

When you get engaged you think of how perfect your big day will be. But when we fast forward a few months to our big day, factor in all those frustrating moments when something doesn’t go as planned or when you’ve got family drama on the line bringing you down. How do you prevent conflict on your wedding day? How do you solve it?

You’re On the Same Chapter…

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But are you on the same page? Once you’ve got a solid foundation of plans set, be sure you and your fiance are on the same page. Do you want a big wedding are a small wedding? How many guests? Where do you want to get married? Be firm with the things you are really set on, if you aren’t sure about certain things, talk them through together. You can even go as far as either writing your plans down and emailing it to all that are involved or have a conversation as group together with family and friends.

Location

What if your fiance’s family or yours live in another state? How do you avoid the hurt feelings or the awkward emotions that come along with deciding which state to get married in? Sometimes choosing one place over another can leave feelings hurt, they may feel as if you’re choosing one family over the other. Chat with your fiance about what is best for the two of you. Once you’ve reached a solution, whatever it may be, chat with the rest of the family and let them know that this is what you have both decided on and hope they understand that this decision works best for you as a couple all around.

Donations?

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We all know that phone bills and credit card have those fine lines with many stipulations. What do you do when someone give you money that may have clause? “You can only use this money if you are going to do this” or “This money is for this only”… Those stipulations, while the gift is generous, are big. We can’t always meet those requirements and if you feel any way that you can’t accept the terms, let that person know that you can’t and kindly offer the gift back to them. Make sure to thank them for thinking of you.

Chief Assistant

There is always that one person that offers to help that has absolutely nothing to do with the wedding. Let them help. You can never have too much of that. Declining their help may make that person or group of people feel as if they aren’t necessary, not only to the wedding, but in your life as well. You don’t want to make any one feel as if they don’t matter, letting them help makes them feel important and appreciated. You may even develop a deeper connection.

Pull In Your Claws!

Not everyone who gets married is ready or right for each other. In some cases you may have had a couple that you enjoyed spending time together with and now they are broken up but they both meant a lot to the two of you; You may have parent’s that are divorced. Not all that go through a divorce are on bad terms, but it’s courteous to warn them, and ask if they have a problem with being all together. If the divorced couples do have an issue, let your photographer and DJ know just so they are aware; This way, the photographer can plan as little time for them together as possible with the two if they are necessary shots and the DJ will know how to make the introductions coming into the reception. Kindly ask them, or all parties involved, to put aside their hardship for one day to support you and your fiance.

Prepare to Hurt Feelings

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When your big day rolls around, you may have to hurt feelings and stick to your guns. No, you’re not the worst person on the planet for hurting someone’s feelings. They will get over it. In that moment, it may not feel as though they will get over the situation, but this is your day and you need to do what you need to do to get where you need to be. Lay down the law if you have to, in a nice and kind way!

Confide

If you know you are going to have issues on your big day, confide in people that you trust, like a co-worker, a friend, or even your pastor. Talk with someone that isn’t directly involved or someone that could be neutral in the what they have to say. Having a set of eyes look in at the situation may help you see what you need to do. Have one contact person that you can call on your big day if something happens; they can guide you where you need to go.

Most importantly, trust your gut. Go by what you and your fiance feel is best. This day is about honoring your love for each other, not about who helped the most or who said what. Don’t be afraid to nip the situation at the bud, you both worked hard to make your day happen. All that matters is that everyone witnesses your union as one with love and support.

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