Yes, we get it… You love each other and you wish to get married… But do you really know each other well enough to say “I do” right this moment? Probably not. I can attest that even through the first year of marriage you will probably learn something new about your partner every single day, little things here and there, but what you really need to know about is the big things… Here are the six big topics you and your fiancé must talk about before you tie the knot!
Religion and Beliefs
Sometimes religion is obvious. We can physically see them going to church every Sunday or we know what their beliefs are. But can you live with your spouse knowing that you have differing beliefs? Make a plan that you can go by for the future that will start as an outline for how you want to combine your religion and beliefs, or maybe you don’t… That is ok too as long as you can work together.
Income and Outcome
What is your income source and how much do you have coming in? This may bring a sense of comfortability with this conversation knowing that you will be secure or this may bring a sense of non-satisfaction with not bringing enough home to survive together. By talking about it, you can learn how to work together. With the income you also need to talk about the outcome.
The outcome of your situation is where you both want to see yourself in five or ten or fifteen years with each other. Do you have debts you wish to pay off? Do you wish to own a home? Do you wish to purchase a new car together? Together, you can make your outcome happen!
You may think this a shallow topic to talk about, but you do say in your wedding vows, “For better or worse, in sickness and in health”, this isn’t something to take lightly. You will want to know what their health history is. Is their family prone to heart issues? Does your family have a long line of cancer? These are issues that could arise in the future with you and your spouse. It is good knowledge to have to know for when your long time married (no, it doesn’t make the diagnosis easier, but you at least spoke of it, and talked about it being a possibility) and will be able to know what may be. This isn’t about instilling fear, it is just to let you know that life isn’t predictable.
And… Other Issues
Lay out your dirty laundry. When you get married, you don’t just marry that one person known as your fiancé… You will marry their entire family. Every single one of them. You will inherit their issues and quirks. More than likely it is better to know what you are getting into fully than go in blind. Crazy sister? Scary uncle? Severed ties? These things need to be discussed. Think of your partner as a journal.
Do you not put a new trash bag in the trash can after taking the old one out or does he not brush his teeth until they have a funky film on them? Will you constantly find socks congregating in your living room from laziness? Will he constantly have to clean out your car because you don’t keep it clean? You will want to talk about these things at least as a warning to what you are getting yourselves into! Knowing what you’ll get into in the future will give you the ability to find a solution.
Hospitality and Cleanliness
Are you both comfortable with having guests stay over? What are your standards of what you wish your home to look like when you have company? Converse with each other about your standards of your home.
Also, while you are on the topic of your home, will you be comfortable with guests coming and going as they please or will you have set times of when you wish them to be there or not?
Don’t assume with this one. Children are a big gift that some wish, hope, and dream for. A person could love children but not technically want any of their own. This is a huge topic to talk about with your fiancé. You’ll want to clarify how many and when you each see yourself having children so that you now a general timeline of what your futures will look like together.
These topics are not to be taken lightly. More than likely if you find these things out after you tie the knot, you’ll have animosity in your relationship for not knowing the answer before. Maybe these answers will not matter to you and your spouse, but this knowledge will build for a stronger relationship later on down the road. Have a serious one on one with your partner before you tie the knot and ask these six questions! Happy planning!