So you are in love and are sure you found Mr. Right. Don’t jump in so quickly though before asking yourself and him some basic questions. If he’s not willing to talk about any of these issues, there is your big red flag. Isn’t he able to talk to you about anything? Here are some essential topics to consider and discuss before you get married.
What are your financial goals? Do you want to buy a home and settle down or are you a free spirit wanting to live paycheck to paycheck? A disagreement on how to spend your incomes is one of the leading causes for rifts and divorces in marriages. It’s better to discuss this issue now and come to some agreements. Better now than later.
Talk about if you desire children and what your fiance’ hopes for. This is a good time to discuss how many children you would both like to have, and if you would want to adopt or foster kids if you can’t conceive them on your own. But if one of you greatly desires a family and the other has no interest in being a parent, this could be a deal breaker right there. Discuss it now, not later.
This is a biggie. Rough times are most likely ahead for a Christian marrying an atheist. When or if children enter your life, this topic will only become intensified. Some people don’t know what their spouse believes. Now is the best time to find out. It’s a fair question and if they don’t want to discuss it there’s another red flag.
How much time each of you will spend at work is a good topic for discussion. Though this may change as jobs change, it’s still good to talk about this now. Find out now if one of you tends to be a workaholic. Also, discover now what each of you expects from the other as far as the amount of time spent together.
Do either of you have habits that are going to be incredibly annoying or unhealthy for the other person? While some habits you will need to tolerate, some might be dealbreakers. For example, can you deal if you potential spouse smokes a pack a day? If you are still both committed to working through it, do it now, not later. What about children? When or if they enter the picture, how will your habits effect them?
Future In laws
Now is a good time to talk about what roles your families will play in your marriage. How much freedom will your future mother in law have in your marriage? Where will you spend the holidays? Some people set a schedule and alternate Christmas and Easter, etc. Talk about your families and see how they will fit into your marriage.
In summary, what you don’t know can hurt you later. Don’t assume anything. Expect straight answers. Anything less than full honesty is showing you can’t communicate effectively. Be ready for answers and how you will deal with them. Whatever you do, make sure to talk about issues ahead of time.