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Tips on Deflecting Friends Not Invited To Your Ceremony

You’ve got everything planned and situated and you’re waiting for your big day to arrive. But what happens when you run into someone that you’ve not seen for a while that invites them self to your wedding? It’s sweet to know that they want to witness you on your special day but what do you say to the guests that have invited themselves to your big day?

The Size of the Boat


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Certain venues will have a limit of the number of people that you are able to have on the guest list. Some venues may have an ample amount of space, but only have limitation for a small amount of guests. Let them know that while you would like them there, there isn’t enough room in your venue, that you’ve reached your max limit of guests. In all honesty, you may not have reached your limit, but do you really want that awkward spiel? Re-iterate that this is more of an intimate event and save some hurt feelings.


Money surely doesn’t grow on trees and maybe planning our budget out didn’t go as planned. Money can be a big issue when planning and we may not always have enough of it. Once you’ve kindly let them know that you’ve only budgeted for a certain number, deflect your conversation and offer to do lunch one day. Catch up over coffee or tea, see where they are in life too. Wedding’s tend to consume our lives and we tend to forget that there is a life outside of a wedding.


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Small Ceremony

Depending on the size of your wedding, this may be true. A marriage isn’t about a wedding. It’s about the vows that you take in front of God. Whom you invite is your choice and most of the time letting someone know that  your ceremony is only for immediate family and friends, they will graciously understand. Your ceremony and reception are strictly what you want it to be.

Ceremony Only?

This may seem strange but if it’s really important for that person to be present for your big day, invite them to the ceremony. This may seem rude to some, but if they are really there to support you on your big day, they will be thrilled to watch you take your vows; they won’t mind that they don’t get to partake in the festivities afterwards.



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Not all invites that are sent out are always responded to, sometimes their silence is their answer. Most people can read the date that they need to respond by and most people have social media; Reminders of when they need to respond can be helpful, but if they don’t respond, assume they aren’t coming. Combine that with the gracefully declined RSVP’s and you may have enough room to invite that ‘someone’ to your ceremony and reception. Let that person know when you get final count, you let them know. It is ultimately your decision on what you decide, whether you invite them or you just cut the size of the wedding.

Sometimes we may not plan for those stray guests to pop up and we may not always have a plan on how to deal with them; And quite honestly, it’s rude to invite yourself anywhere. Wedding planning is stressful and can be time consuming and we may not always remember certain details. Eliminate some stress and keep your cool. Use these tips and your day will be perfect, whether that self-invited guest is there or not!



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