Breaking up is never fun. As we get older, it can be even more frustrating when a relationship turns south instead of towards the aisle. We all long to be married and start a family, but why can’t we get it right? Reeling from a break-up, whether you caused it or not, can be hard and stressful. In today’s article, we are going to talk about ways to cope with a bad break-up.
Take Time To Wallow
You have a right to be upset. This was a relationship that you at one point thought had a lot of potential, and it can be hard to lose that. If this is someone you dated for several years, it is hard to imagine a life where you don’t talk to them or stay up to date. Allow yourself enough time to mourn your relationship properly. Take a couple of days to cry, eat unhealthily, and lean on loved ones and friends. It’s ok not to be ok. You need to take the time to grieve what you once had.
Don’t Believe Lies
It can be easy when you are getting over a break-up and are vulnerable, to think that you are the problem. That he wouldn’t have broken up with you if you were thinner, or more fun, or talked less. The truth is, sometimes people drift apart or are just better off without each other. It’s not your fault that you weren’t compatible. Don’t start believing that you did something wrong or that it was something about your personality that set him over the edge. There will be a great guy out there that will love those parts of yourself that your ex-boyfriend thought were tiresome.
Plan Fun Things
Though you need to take some time to mourn, don’t spend weeks on end wallowing around your house in your pajamas. Try to plan some days that you treat yourself or see family and friends. Find activities that he didn’t like to do with you, and do those things. Keeping yourself occupied can save you from wallowing in the sea of self-pity.
Don’t Text Him
I am especially talking to those ladies out there who broke up with their now ex-boyfriends. I know that you want to make sure that he is ok and still care about him, but he is going to need plenty of space, and you need to respect that. But, if you are the one who got dumped, don’t drunk text or text him when you are feeling lonely. You are better than begging someone to take you back, and you are only going to regret any text you send. Be the strong independent woman that you are and say good riddance.
Try Not To Ask About Him
It can be tempting, especially if you run in the same friend group, to ask how he is doing. But, honestly, either answer is going to hurt you. If he has been wallowing around like you are, it is just going to hurt worse that you are still apart, but, if he is moving on well, it is going to make you think you were easy to replace. Give your heart some time to heal, and try not to talk about him.
Put Yourself Back Out There
Make sure that when you are ready to start dating again, that you are ready. Don’t feel peer pressured because your friends want you to get back out there. Even if you go on some not so great dates, you will feel good that you are making progress on moving on. And, even though right now it seems like you’ll never get over him, you will. That is exactly what you thought about the last guy you dated before your current ex-boyfriend. So don’t be afraid to go on some dates and be set up.
Invest In Friendships
Now that you are single, this is a great time to invest in those friendships and family members that you might have neglected while being in a relationship. I hope that you still kept in contact with those people during your relationship, we have tips to help you with that, but if not, reach out again. Spend time laughing with your friends, enjoying your mom’s cooking, and heading to the bar with your besties.
Sign Up For Something New
Being in a committed relationship takes a lot of your time. And though you are happy to give it, you also miss out on some activities to spend time with your man. So, don’t be afraid to sign up for a new art class at your local community college, or a cycling class at the YMCA. Join a group that goes hiking on the weekends or volunteer in your community or church. Doing more things now that you are single will give you purpose. Instead of being sad you are alone, you will be grateful that you have time to commit to these new projects.
Realize You Deserve Better
It can be hard to navigate dating successfully. But just because this relationship and even all your other past relationships have failed, doesn’t mean you won’t be successful. You deserve a fantastic man who will treat you right, so don’t settle. Don’t get down on yourself or start to change yourself into someone else. There is someone out there who will accept and love you for who you are, and he is worth waiting for.
It might seem like a good idea to text that guy who has always secretly crushed on you, or throw yourself at the next boy you meet, but don’t. It is unfair to give these broken parts of yourself to a new relationship. And, it is selfish and cruel to date or talk to a boy just to distract yourself from your pain. There are better and healthier ways to cope with a break-up. Plus, you don’t want to make any mistakes you can’t undo because you weren’t thinking clearly.
Every relationship you enter into helps you to learn something. Use this time to think about what this relationship taught you. It might have shown you that you need something that your ex couldn’t supply. Or, it might have taught you something about the way you need to treat your significant other. Either way, take some time to do some soul-searching about why your relationship ended and what you can learn from those failures.
We have all been through our fair share of bad break-ups, but that doesn’t mean we are undateable. Use this time to better yourself for the next relationship. And, who knows? Maybe that is the one that will end with “I do.”