If life were perfect, we’d never have to confront anyone. They’d just read our minds and fix that problem. But that’s not how life works. Sometimes you have to confront a friend or family member. So how can you do that in a loving way? I have the tips for you below!
Speak In A Calm Voice
If what you are about to say brings out some angry emotions in you, make sure to not come across as hostile. Speak in a calm voice. Don’t raise your voice to get your point across. It will not work and instead will make the person feel defensive if you raise your voice. Be warm and polite. Remember the golden rule and treat them like you would like to be treated.
Watch Your Body Language
Studies have shown that it’s not always what you say that gets people upset but what your body language is like when you say it. Be careful to not cross your arms. Crossing arms shows a hostile intent. Don’t roll your eyes or turn away from the person. Don’t lean towards them either. Make sure to give them personal space and face them in a peaceful stance.
Resist The Urge To Give Commands
Don’t try to make the person see your point of view. Try to persuade them gently to see your point of view. Make sure to tell them that you are only confronting them because you care about them and want what’s best for them.
Listen Carefully
After you’ve made the initial confrontation, take the time to really hear them out. People like to be heard. They will respond better to what you are trying to communicate if they know that you are listening to their point of view. You may disagree with them but be polite and hear them out. Depending on the topic, you might want to consider asking them questions such as, what happened from their own perspective.
Try To See The Whole Picture
Sometimes there is much more than meets the eye. Try to understand the root cause of the behavior or action that you are confronting him or her about.
Don’t Take Insults Personally
You may be put down or called a name. Whatever you do, do not take it personally. If you take it personally, you may feel the need to lash back. Hold your tongue if you are feeling the need to defend yourself by playing into their game. Chances are when things cool off, that person will regret what they said to you. Words truly are like feathers in the wind. They are impossible to take back. Don’t say something that you will later regret.
Control Your Emotions
If you have been hurt before or during this confrontation, try to control your emotions. Don’t let your feelings determine what your reactions will be. Try not to react. Stop, count to 10 (in your head would be better than out loud) and breath. Then respond calmly.
Try To See Their Perspective
Even if you feel you are 100% right, try to see their perspective. There is a chance that you both are right. Many problems start by how someone perceives something.
Choose the Correct Environment
Don’t confront someone in front of other people in the attempt to embarrass them or gain people on your side. Be respectful and choose an environment where they can feel safe to respond without feeling humiliated. Find a quiet and private place where you can have a calm discussion. This doesn’t mean that it has to be in an isolated environment. How about at the park or somewhere in public where you can still have a private conversation? If you fear for your safety at all, by no means go to a private setting.
Try Not To Blame The Person
Blaming is only going to make the person want to blame back. Try using sentences like “I feel ___ because____. Try saying how you understand how they might have felt even if you have a different opinion from them.
Final Thoughts
Confronting someone is never easy. I’ve given some tips for you to try next time you have to confront someone. Make sure to be honest even if it feels awkward. You can say your position on the matter in a polite and calm way. Make sure to listen carefully and try to understand their response and position. You may not win them over to your way of thinking but all is not lost if they truly heard what you said.
For tips on confronting someone in your work environment, check out our article here.
