It’s time, to be honest for a moment ladies, and admit that we often let our expectations get the better of us in relationships. But, how can we help it? Since we were born, we have consumed a hearty diet of Say Yes To The Dress, romantic comedies, and prince charming fairytales. Then, as we got older, we realized that most men weren’t going to treat us the way that Mr. Darcy does. Does that mean that we will live forever alone? Or, does it mean that we have our expectations set a little too high? Today we are discussing how to set realistic expectations and how to know if your expectations have gotten out of control.
What Are Your Dealbreakers?
These are 100%, no chance of changing your mind, deal breakers. Some examples might be having kids, no smoking, has to be shorter than you, has to be kind to others, etc. These are the things that are essentials that you need to have in a relationship. Not something you could comfortably live without. However, sometimes we believe that the things we WANT out of relationships are also things we NEED. For example, you might want someone who is romantic, but you don’t need someone who writes you poetry every night and wades across a dewy morning field to declare his love for you. Those men only exist in movies. So, be reasonable in thinking about what you need and what you can live without.
Are You A Hopeless Romantic?
Do you spend your weekends reading romance novels and rewatching The Notebook? Then you may have fallen in love with the idea of being in love. Every marriage and relationship looks so much better on a screen than it does in real life. I hope that you meet a man who is romantic and treats you well, but, the truth is he is not going to be the Noah to your Allie. Human beings cannot complete us entirely. We can’t be satisfied and find our worth in one human being alone, think about how much pressure that would be. So, try to reign in your romantic notions if you want to experience your own off-screen love story.
Do You Give Guys A Fair Chance?
Or are you constantly finding something wrong with the guys you start dating? Sure you say yes to a first date, but then something just feels off. It might be the way he looks at you, how he eats, what he wears, but they always end up being superficial things. Be careful that you aren’t always shooting down perfectly nice guys because they aren’t what you think prince charming would be like. So often, we fall in love with the last person we expected. Instead of waiting at home for your prince charming to ride up on a white horse, why not spend your time going on a couple of dates and see what happens.
Think long and hard as you go through these questions, so you can determine if you have too high of expectations.
So how can you work on lowering your expectations, or better yet, being more open?
When a guy asks you out, unless there is a reason to be fearful, say yes. Think about how much courage it takes guys to approach women and ask them out knowing that rejection is very possible. Reward him by giving him a fair shot. I know it can be easy to look at someone and think, NO WAY, but do you really know until you try? Instead of rejecting all the guys who ask you out and getting frustrated that the right one hasn’t come along, start seeing if you have been missing something right in front of you.
Don’t Live By First Impressions
How many romantic comedies start with two people who end up together having an awful first encounter? Sometimes you catch people at a bad time, when they’re off guard, or just when they’ve had a bad day. Give people the benefit of the doubt. You may like the second impression they make much better than the first.
Don’t Live By Your Standards
This can be a tricky one, but don’t live by certain rules when dating that make no sense. Like you have to date someone with blue eyes, or who is this height, or who has a great sense of humor. A lot of times you never knew you wanted or needed something until you experience that quality in your significant other. Once again, give guys a chance to prove themselves to you before you cross them off your list.
Be Wary Of Social Media
It’s far too easy to paint a picture of a perfect relationship with social media. And, sometimes, we can get so caught up in all the #MCM pictures, posts on people’s walls, and edited photos, that we think that this or that couple has it all figured out. If you are someone who is struggling in their singleness, maybe take a break from social media. Don’t start dating someone just because you want to show the world you are not alone with a bunch of obnoxious selfies of the two of you together. Make sure that you are getting into a relationship for the right reasons, not just to get more likes.
Focus On Yourself
While you’re still looking for Mr. Right, try to work on improving yourself. What are the qualities that you need to perfect before you’re ready to be the best girlfriend you can be? How can you improve yourself from the mistakes you made in previous relationships? Instead of focusing so much on what you want and need, try to become what someone else would need.
As you can see, there are always going to be times that we get sucked into having too high of expectations. Let’s try our best to look for real, great guys, and not lust over the ones who exist in a fictional world. When you meet the right guy, I am sure he will be so much better than anything you could’ve or did imagine.