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20 Questions to Ask Yourself When Writing Your Vows

The cake has been tested, the glossy embossed wedding invitations have been sent out, and you found the perfect dress – the “Big Day” is finally here. And with all of the wedding planning details taken care of, all that’s left to do (besides saying it!) is write your wedding vows.
Seems simple, right?
You could talk for hours about your significant other at brunch with your gal pals, so putting pen to paper should be no big deal. But for many, it is. Of course there are a million and one cute, funny, and romantic things you could say about your soon-to-be spouse, but it’s not always easy knowing where to start. These 20 questions will help make all the words that come before “I do” as effortless as your walk down the aisle (hopefully!).

1. What was your first impression of your significant other?

Let’s get back to basics. Think about the first time you met and how he or she made you feel. Were you giddy, excited, or nervous? Did your palms sweat? Or were you totally cavalier and getting sweaty palms over someone else? How you met doesn’t have to be picture-perfect! You can just include it as a detail!

2. When did you fall in love with your soon-to-be?

For some, it happens instantly in a movie-like “love at first sight” scenario. For others, it happens over time. If you can recall a moment or date where that little voice in your head screamed “This is the one!” then write it down. It’s a cherished moment that should be included in your vows. Even if you realized it when he or she was drunkenly crooning to Adele, when you know, you know!

3. How have you improved since getting together?

We’re not talking doubled incomes here. Instead, focus on the positive internal changes your significant other has sparked in you. Have you learned a new skill? Maybe you get stressed easily and you’ve learned to reduce anxiety! It’s always nice to see the wonderful effects of a healthy relationship.

4. Have you gained more perspective on life?

When you meet the person you’re going to marry, the world becomes more vibrant. Colors are vivid, your demeanor softens, and everything seems attainable! That’s the power of love, so let everyone at your wedding know how much more beautiful life has become since you got together.

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5. What do you miss the most about your significant other when you’re not together?

Even if it’s as simple as, “I miss him yelling at me to floss before bed,” it’s something that’s specific to you as a couple. Maybe you’ll miss waking up to the smell of coffee because you’re not the early riser in the relationship. Jack Johnson sang it best when he said “It’s always better when we’re together.”

6. In 10 years, what does your marriage look like?

The future seems less scary when your best friend is at your side. So what do you most look forward to? Aside from the pretty house with the cute children, please. Think about long-term goals and dreams you envision yourselves doing. And then remind him or her that the first bucket list item is, of course, the honeymoon!

7. Opening with a quote is an easy transition. Is there one that sums up your relationship?

If it’s in the movies, it must be good, right? If there is a quote from a song that always makes your heart skip a beat because it speaks to your relationship, use it in your vows.

8. Do you agree with ALL aspects of traditional vows?

This is the part to add some humor to your verbal serenade. Try playing on marital vows by saying something like, “I promise to be faithful in sickness and in health, but if it’s in sickness and I have a big meeting the next day, you’re sleeping with your chicken soup on the couch.”

9. When did your significant other surprise you?

If you’re getting married, you know your partner like the back of your hand. But you didn’t always! Recall a time while dating where he or she surprised you. Maybe he’s a Crossfit die-hard who teared up during “Me Before You.” Or maybe she has a weird habit of washing clean utensils before eating with them.

10. What do you fight about?

It’s not all fun and games when you’re with the same person 24/7, but fights actually make couples stronger because it means overcoming obstacles. At the end of the day, if you can compromise and still go to bed happy, you’re bound to have a marriage that lasts a lifetime!

11. Do you and your partner share the same vision?

It’s never easy to hear of friends splitting up because they wanted different things. You and your partner should align in terms of life goals so you can support each other along the way. Write about your common ground and shared values.

12. What do you love most about your significant other?

While there are tons of attributes to choose from, maybe it’s that bright smile you wake up to or the fact that the dishes are always done when you come home from work. Whatever it is, highlight what you love most about your “bae”.

13. What do you promise to do for your partner that he or she will cherish for all time?

At this point in your vows, you want to solidify the sanctity (marriage) by creating a promise to your partner. It could be something silly! Like never stealing the last bite of food or always to kiss each other in the morning, despite the morning breath. Try to personalize it for a deeper meaning for traditional vows.

14. In what ways do you expect to grow together?

You already know what you want your lives to look like, but how will you change personally to meet that vision? Think about the steps you’ll be taking in life as a couple and what you look forward to on your journey!

15. What is the best way to describe your relationship?

Do you go together like peanut butter and jelly? Maybe you’re two peas in a pod! Think of a simple saying your friends and family would use to describe you and include that idea! After all, your guests want to be included in your special day!


16. Why are you getting married?

No really! Some people get excited about the idea of marriage, when a wedding is really about the person you share a bond with. Write down why marriage with your partner is unique instead of about getting hitched.

17. When the going gets tough, how will you survive?

Think of the strong foundation your relationship is built on. What is that core value? Maybe it’s unwavering trust, devotion, or your beliefs and faith. Whatever it is, make it known!

18. What excites you about marriage?

We’ve heard wives referred to as “the old ball and chain” because when you marry someone, they’re yours forever. Of course, we see this in a positive way, so think of what inspires you to start calling your partner hubby or wifey.

19. What words come to mind when you think about your significant other?

Amazing is a great word that we all use, because it encapsulates our feelings. But it’s a crutch word that loses meaning when said too much. Think of more creative adjectives when writing your vows!

2o. What do you want your guests to think of your vows?

This is a big one because it helps set the tone of your vows. Do you want it to be emotional, funny, witty? All three are good separately or together, it just depends on your guests. So think about the crowd and write accordingly! But don’t forget your future spouse is listening, too!

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