Your big day is going to be one of the most special days of your life. But, it could be stressful if you or your fiancé have parents who are separated or divorced. On a day that is supposed to be joining two people together, it’s hard not to be reminded that your parent’s marriage had less than favorable results. However, there are plenty of ways that you can have a fantastic wedding, while still having peace between your parents.
Talk To Them
Have an honest and open discussion with your family before your wedding happens. Talk to them about what you expect from both of them on your wedding day. Hopefully, your parents love you enough that they don’t want to spoil your day with their grudges and problems. This is also a great time to let them know, frankly, what you expect from each of them on your big day. For example, that if they can’t be in the same room together without bickering, there are going to be consequences.
Let Them Share Tasks
It can be easy, if you have divorced parents, for both of them to want to be equally a part of the big day. They may both want to walk you down the aisle, or your mom may be upset that your dad gets the aisle walk and the dance. If that is the case, compromise. Let both of them walk you down the aisle. Allow both of them to sit in the front row, though not near each other. By letting them both do these essential things, you will get much more work done before the wedding, and not have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings.
Your parent’s marriage ultimately failed for a reason. And, if that reason wasn’t due to an affair or willful desertion, they may be able to provide you with some insight into what they wished they had done better. Don’t shy away from that advice. It is great that you are still getting married, and still believe in marriage, even if your family experienced a rough divorce. You want to get it right where your parents didn’t. So, allow them to have time to give you their opinions. To talk to you and your husband-to-be openly about what you need to be doing and what didn’t work.
Keep Them Separate As Much As Possible
Though you want them to be able to at least look at each other, there is no reason for them to be around each other more than they need too. Seat them at separate tables with members of their family. Don’t put them in the same hotel if they are traveling. Make sure that you talk to both of them individually as much as you can.
Realize You Can’t Be Super-Daughter
The hardest part of having divorced parents is trying to please both parents at the same time. It is likely that your mom is not going to be happy if you are talking too much of the evening to your father and vice versa. The sooner you realize that you can’t meet their every need and fantasy the better. If your parents truly love you, they won’t be petty enough about how much time you are spending with them, or how much attention you are showing them. They will just be happy to be apart of your special day. When you get frustrated with your parents and how they are acting, take a break. Go off on your own for awhile and cool down. You don’t want to say something you are going to regret that will sour this happy time.
Just because their marriage didn’t end happily, doesn’t mean yours can’t. Marriage takes work and sacrifice, so make sure that you and your fiancé are up to the challenge. But, take time to celebrate this exciting and happy day. This is your time to shine and be surrounded by the people who love you most. Have fun and don’t let tensions or conflicts of the past ruin it for you.
In conclusion, being the child of divorced parents can have its drawbacks. It is important to remember that as you approach the wedding, both your parents love you and want to support you. You might need to remember this advice when they start driving you crazy.
For tips on including kids on your wedding day, we got you covered.